


Our Hearts Still Haunt Us

by for_t2



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, Blood and Injury, Character Death, Demons, F/F, Guilt, Happy Ending, Hope vs. Despair, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Prison, Vampire Buffy Summers (BtVS), Vampire Slayer(s), Watchers' Council (BtVS)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 02:27:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29342805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/for_t2/pseuds/for_t2
Summary: Five times Buffy killed Faith, and one time Faith helped Buffy sleep
Relationships: Faith Lehane/Buffy Summers
Comments: 3
Kudos: 30





	Our Hearts Still Haunt Us

**1.**

The blood was still seeping out of her gut, but it didn’t feel warm anymore. Hell, Faith barely felt warm anymore. She didn’t exactly feel cold, not in the way those Boston nights did, after whatever alcohol she managed to steal from her half-dead mother ran out and the snow blew down on the wind. It more the type of cold that… that her mother must’ve felt on those nights.

Shit.

At least it didn’t really hurt anymore. Buffy’s nails dug deeper into her back with every step she took and the tears falling down from her burned Faith’s skin, but at least it didn’t hurt. At least the knife in her stomach meant it would be over soon.

“I’m sorry.” No. “Faith, I’m so sorry.” Buffy couldn’t apologise. She shouldn’t. She did the right thing. Buffy always did the right thing. “I’m sorry.”

“Shup.” Faith somehow managed to mumble out what was meant to be a few words, but she could barely hear herself. Even her slayer super-hearing was dying.

“Faith?”

Faith would’ve winced at the expression on Buffy’s face if she still had the energy. She wondered who the next slayer would be. Hopefully… 

“Faith?” Huh. “Faith? Talk to—”

The world was very dark.

**2.**

“So, this is it, B?”

“Yes, Faith, this is it.” Buffy’s glare could’ve cut stone. Could’ve cut diamonds. “It’s over.”

Faith scoffed. She had heard Buffy argue with Angel, and, yeah, of course Buffy had a right to vengeance. Buffy had every right to revenge, every right to punish Faith for everything Faith had done to her. Everything. “You don’t know what they’re going to do to me.”

“Funny.” Buffy didn’t scoff. Just kept glaring at her, arms crossed tighter than Faith had ever seen. Than Faith could’ve imagined, even when Faith was in her worst ‘blame everything on stuck-up Buffy Summers’ moods. Faith didn’t blame her. “I don’t really care.”

Faith wanted to say that she didn’t believe that. Wanted to believe that Buffy didn’t believe that. Wanted to believe that Buffy would be good enough, would have some part of her that still, deep down, cared about Faith. But Faith had done everything she could to drag that part out and eviscerate it. She had aimed for the heart, and she had relished it. “Can you tell me it’s the right thing to do?”

“I…” Buffy started and then stopped. For a moment, her glare wavered. “You don’t get to tell me what the right thing to do is.” But it came back the moment Faith’s mouth opened. “The Council have promised me that they have a lot of experience rehabilitating rogue slayers.”

Rogue didn’t quite seem like it described what Faith had done. “Is that enough for you?”

“It’s…” Buffy shut her eyes. “You asked me what you could do to make it right, and the answer is that there’s nothing you can do. Nothing.”

“I’m—” 

“No.” Faith’s instincts forced her to step back as Buffy’s muscles tensed “No, Faith, you do not get to apologise. You don’t.”

Faith still felt like she should. She probably always would. “I know.”

“Just…” Buffy opened her eyes again. Took one last look at Faith before shaking her head. Before turning away just as Faith thought she saw the glimpse of a tear. Before walking out. She didn’t say anything else.

Just let the Watchers’ Council squad walk in after her.

**3.**

“Admit it,” Buffy paced across the cramped space in front of Faith’s bunk. “You miss me.”

“Of course, I fucking—” Faith stopped herself before the guards could hear her shouting. Angel was supposed to visiting her today, and she couldn’t afford another incident. Even if it was Buffy. “You’re not her.”

“Who else would I be?” Buffy laughed. “Would anyone else go to all the trouble of coming to visit you every day?” Angel would. Angel-- “Not even your knight in shining armour bothers. But I do, Faith. Slayers have to stick together.”

Faith had done a pretty fucking shitty job of that, eh? She was in prison for a fucking reason, and Buffy… “What do you want from me, B?”

Buffy smiled, and it hurt worse than anything Faith had ever felt. “Faith,” she sat down lightly on the bunk next to her. “I want what I’ve always wanted: to do the right thing. And maybe… Maybe you’Re the right thing.” Faith had to stifle something that could’ve been a sob or a shout (or both). “You’re allowed to be good, Faith.”

Faith wasn’t… Buffy… Buffy couldn’t be here. Faith was shaking. Buffy couldn’t. Faith was in prison. Buffy wouldn’t be. Faith couldn’t make it right. Buffy was… “You’re dead.”

Buffy sighed. “You know me better than that.”

“I felt it.” God, Faith had felt it. “And Angel said—”

“Look at me Faith. Do I look dead?”

Faith couldn’t. She couldn’t bear the hope that maybe, that maybe Buffy would be sitting next to here right now, that Buffy would be talking to her, that Buffy would be smiling at her. “I can’t. B, I’m sorry, I can’t. I…”

Buffy sighed again. “If you're so sure I’m dead, Faith,” and held out her hand. “Why don’t you come join me?”

**4.**

“It’s okay, B.” Faith gritted her teeth as the demon inside her writhed through her blood again. “It’s okay.”

“No, Faith, no it’s not.” Buffy placed a cool hand to Faith’s head. Frowned deeper at the rising temperature. “How can you say that?”

“Always figured I wouldn’t live forever.” Faith chuckled through the pain, and hey, maybe it would be okay. If Buffy wasn’t so concerned for her. If Buffy could move on. “Sides, there could be worse ways to go.”

“Don’t say that. Don’t—” Faith’s body spasmed. The darkness veined out further underneath her skin. Whatever demon those ancient mages had stuffed into the body of a young girl, it was more than ready to come out. “Faith?”

It felt like forever before Faith could get her breathing back down to something less than screaming. Before she blacked out again. “Guess slayers weren’t meant to live this long.”

“Course they weren’t.” Buffy hand slipped around Faith’s. Held on tight. “But we have. We will.”

“Always the optimist, B.” At least Faith had the chance to go down in the slayer history books for something else than turning evil. “Always…”

“Faith?” The light was different. The moon hadn’t been that high. “Faith?” Buffy hadn’t been leaning over her. “Faith? Please—”

“Don’t worry, B.” Faith forced herself to sit up. Forced a smile. She must’ve passed out again. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Giles called.” Buffy gently wiped the cloudy sweat off Faith’s face with a towel. “He said he might’ve found something. A way to stop it. He…”

Buffy was crying. “B?”

“I’m sorry.” Buffy’s hand found its way to Faith’s cheek. Stayed there. “It should be. The line should still be going through me. If I hadn’t died… It should be me.”

“Shut up, B.” Faith wasn’t going to let her feel guilty for something she had no control over. For a life that Faith didn’t regret having. For being a part of Faith’s life. “It was worth it, B. It was…”

Faith didn’t have time to finish before her eyes went black. Before the demon won.

**5.**

Faith’s instincts screamed at her. Her heart screamed back at them. The wood of her sake just splintered deeper into her palm.

“Have I ever told you how badly I wanted this?” Buffy whispered, lips brushing the back of Faith’s neck. “How many times I imagined having you?” Faith winced as Buffy’s… Well it wasn’t Buffy anymore. As the vampire’s hands squeezed somewhere Buffy wouldn’t. “How many ways I imagined having you?”

“Sorry, B.” Faith tried to swallow. Tried not to feel so naked. So hopeless. “But I have to kill you.”

“You could try.” The vampire traced a finger across Faith’s artery. “But I know how badly you want this too.”

Faith did. Faith didn’t. She wanted Buffy, she had always wanted Buffy. She didn’t want… “Not this.”

“Don’t lie to me, Faith.” The vampire brushed Faith’s hair to the side. Pressed herself up to Faith’s back. “If you didn’t want this, you’d have staked me already.”

Faith was going to. Buffy would beg her to do it. Faith… Faith would’ve done it already.

“Don’t worry.” The vampire pressed one small kiss to Faith’s bare neck. “You’ll love it.”

**+1**

Buffy hadn’t spoken much on the bus. The more they had drove onwards, the more restless the potentials had gotten, the more they laughed and cheered, the more Xander and Dawn and Will started talking about plans, the more Giles had smiled contently (even letting his glasses get a little smudged), the more everyone had gotten to party. They had won.

But Buffy hadn’t smiled much.

And the moment they stopped off at some little restaurant in the middle of nowhere, stomachs starting to rumble as the sun went down, she had stepped off the bus and had walked out further into nowhere.

Faith gave her a few minutes before setting off to find her. “You know, B,” she hopped over the boulder to sit down to Buffy. “The stars are always prettier out in the wild.”

Buffy chuckled softly. “I didn’t think you were the poetic type, F.”

“Me?” Faith tried to look offended. “What can I say? You haven’t heard poetry until you’ve heard my ‘Ode to a Canteen Meatloaf’. Two-time winner of the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation state championship.”

“Ode to a Canteen Meatloaf?” Buffy laughed a little louder this time. “Really?”

Faith shrugged. “I’m an underappreciated genius.” Buffy snorted. “I swear.”

“You’ll have to show it to me sometime.”

“Count on it, B.” Faith liked the way it made Buffy smile. But she didn’t like the way her smile faded so quickly. She let Buffy sit in silence for a few more moments before she nudged her. “You okay?”

Buffy stared up at the stars before answering. “It isn’t over, is it?” And continued before Faith could answer. “The First Evil’s going to come back one day. And it’s going to better prepared.”

Well, yeah. The First Evil was the First, after all. Immortal being of pure evil and all that crap. “One day. But not today.”

“Maybe not,” Buffy sighed. “But it’s coming back. And I have to be ready. I have to make sure everybody else is ready. And until then…” Her words trailed off into the night, before coming back, quieter. “We lost so many people, Faith.”

“Yeah.” Faith would make sure she never forget the names. “Yeah, we did.” And she knew Buffy wouldn’t. “But you’re wrong about one thing.”

“Hm?”

“You don’t have to make sure everybody’s ready. We have to. You’re not alone, B.” Faith gave Buffy a small smile that she hoped counted as something more than a promise. “And whatever you need from me, I’m yours.”

Buffy smiled back for a second before resting her head down on Faith’s shoulder. “Thank you.” Then curled up a little into Faith’s jacket. “Thank you.” And finally, she slept.

**Author's Note:**

> Fuck Joss Whedon


End file.
